In Love With Books
“Nearly all of my emotion is wrapped up in books,” my friend explained to me over coffee. I leaned in and waited. This conversation had taken a very interesting term. What Dave was revealing was precious insider information.
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” I said quietly, waiting for him to go on. He took a breath. I could tell that something was building inside him. He wanted me to understand this. This was important.
“I was very introverted when I was younger. So, my first memories of feeling emotions like attachment, love or anything you would relate to a person are from books. That is where I most relate. That is how I feel connected. It’s not normally through people. I have had to learn to relate because of the career I have chosen, but it’s not natural. My most natural relationships are those I have with books and the authors who write them.”
He took another big breath before he continued. “And that’s why I just can’t fathom it when people say reading is a hobby. Like come on. Reading isn’t a fucking hobby you idiots. Reading is air. Reading is life. Reading is everything.”
My mind had been blown to bits by just how passionate this man was about literature of any kind. Passionate and angry. Could I relate to this? Did I feel the closest to people I have never met and probably never will?
If I had never read “Women Who Run With the Wolves”, the “Ethical Slut”, or any of Kelley Armstrong’s books and especially if I had never watched an episode of Joss Whedon’s beautifully created shows…would I be the same person I am today?
If I Talk Too Much, Does That Mean I Can’t Write Anymore?
I remember when I first started “coming out of my shell”. I probably was about 18 or 19. I began the slow process when I was in high school, but I would say when I started university I really made an attempt to get to know people on a deeper level and really open myself up to be seen.
When I began having strong relationships, something changed. Not only did I talk things out a lot more, but I lost my desire and passion to write. Not entirely, but certainly the compulsion to put everything on paper was lost. Eventually I took a major hiatus from reading. In that span, I felt myself die a little inside. I stopped learning. I stopped questioning. I stopped a lot of things that made me who I was.
I was so dead set on becoming a likable extrovert that I denied my introversion needs and I suffered. I am still suffering, trying to balance my extrovert self who wants attention, fun and socialness with that other side that wants depth, thoughtfulness, and alone time.
Finding Your Word Soul Mate
I started reading Danielle LaPorte about three years ago. I instantly fell in love with her. I don’t mean to say that her words were lovely and that was all. I mean, her very essence seemed to bounce off the screen and I just knew this woman was one of my soul sisters. Her usage of words sparked my passion. Her honesty, soulfulness and no bullshit attitude was a recipe for a powerful and authentic leader.
Whatever she had, I wanted it. Reading her words was like curling up with a steaming mug of tea. Comforting, satisfying and clarifying. And eventually I started to write. Eventually I started to read. I’m not where I was back then in terms of pouring out all of my love, energy and intensity into the written word or visual art. But I don’t want to be there anymore. I DO want relationships with actual people, while also recognizing the importance of loving our favorite authors.
I need to find that balance, and while I don’t yet know what that looks like, I know there are people like Danielle out there, figuring out a wonderful creative system that will help all of us succeed. Happy Monday everyone.
Would love to hear about your own process or experience with this. Leave me a message in the comment section. 🙂
365 Days of Freedom 
I’ve only ever completed two fiction ‘books’ in my life that I actually chose to read, rather than being forced to at school. One was Of Mice and Men and the other was The Lumber Room by Saki, both short stories, the way I like them. Both were fascinating to read, which is the reason I managed to finish them. I’ve tried others but I just can’t get into them or they’re too long winded and I lose the plot. So no, I don’t understand what you’re friend is feeling at all really!
LOL..thank you for making me laugh. It’s been a long day. I think for some people, it creates an opportunity to escape to someone else’s mind, or world for a time. Sometimes that is such a blessing. But it’s not everybody’s shtick.