Some relationships are such a waste of our time. They won’t be anything other than awful, harmful and confusing.
Although, I can’t say this dating experience was all roses, I can say that what I have learned in a short time was well worth the short-term pain.
1) I am grateful for the opportunity to feel romantic love, even if it wasn’t real, even if it was only for a moment. Some people will never feel this in their lifetime, and I did. Not only was that miraculous, but the fact that I had the capacity to be that vulnerable to feel that way even if only fleetingly…pretty good stuff.
2) People are an incredibly powerful force in our lives. I want to surround myself with people who influence me positively, give me energy and space to be more of what I am, not less.
3) Being tolerant and respectful of people’s differences is a great skill to master, but if you’re dating someone for whom you must be tolerant constantly…this ain’t a good thing baby. I cannot date someone who has such wildly different values on things I really care about. It wears me down. It makes me less of who I am.
4) We all have insecurities, fears, and responses when we are challenged or threatened. This is a very good arena to separate the men from the boys and the women from the girls. Does this person have enough self-esteem and self-respect to face a challenging situation head on and fight for what they want while respecting the other person?
5) I could be a really good partner to someone. Part of me always thought I didn’t have a lot to offer in this arena. I was wrong. I have a lot to offer. I WANT to give that to someone who mutually wants to give it back to me.
6) I have a moderate to high sex drive and I want a man who is just as sexually attracted to me as I am to him and wants me as often, energetically and creatively as I want him. 🙂
7) I understand more now what I seek in a partner. I understand how important having a similar sense of humour is and being able to talk to each other without reserve, without worry that you will be judged. Communication is imperative.
8) Growth is one of the most fundamental keys to me. If this person believes he can’t grow or learn anything more, that people never change, or the world is set in stone and will never improve…the relationship won’t work. My whole life is built on the premise that people, situations and the world can change. And if it can’t, what are we all doing here? I have never believed our genes, hormones or how we are raised will ever dictate our destiny. We make our own choices and we can become what we choose to become.
9) I have been missing out. The depth of warmth, emotion and companionship I felt with the man I was dating at times was remarkable. I have never felt that way before. And finally, I understand. I understand why people look so hard for their significant other, I understand why people go through such terrible shit in the name of love. It is one of the most profound things I have experienced in a long time.
10) If the people in my life are getting in the way of my goals, my growth, my self-esteem or my joy…they ain’t the right people to be in my life. Even if I have feelings for them, even if there is loyalty and love. Healthy relationships are aligned with who you are and what you want. Mutually supporting each other to reach your goals and having fun while you’re doing it. Anything else will just derail you, and drain you of energy to fight the battles that life throws at you. I, for one, don’t have energy to waste on people interested in destroying me. I am self-destructive enough. 🙂
To the man who has taught me so much, thank you for showing me these things. As hard as it was, those lessons are gold. I wish you well.
365 Days of Freedom 